JC Penney Stuns Public with Controversial Announcement

In a stunning reversal JC Penney has decided to fire Comedienne Ellen DeGeneres as the celebrity face of JC Penney and its affiliates.

On January 25, 2012 Michael Francis, JC Penney President, said of DeGeneres that she is “one of the most fun and vibrant people in entertainment today, with great warmth and a down-to-earth attitude.”  Conservative groups were not slow in expressing their disappointment with this decision.

Today, February 13, 2012, just one day before the coveted Valentine’s Day celebration beloved by JC Penney shoppers around the world, Francis not only reversed his decision, but made this unanticipated announcement.

“Today I have realized that JC Penney, once the bastion of Christian ethics in an increasingly secular world of retail merchandising, must reclaim its place in a society that so prides itself on the virtue of holy living.  I have just got off the phone with Ms. DeGeneres to let her know that her services will no longer be required.  Also, to further show that I am serious about JC Penney and its stance against immorality we will be instituting a ‘Sin Scanner’ at all of our stores.  This will be invisible to the patron and will only enhance the shopping experience.

“It works like this: simply drive to your local JC Penney and enter the store through the main doors as you normally would.  Above each door is a non-invasive, infrared, radio scanner that checks each incoming patron for any trace of sin.  If nothing is found the patron may enter the store as normal.  If, however, any sin is found, that person will not only be ejected from the store, but their photo will immediately be posted on our corporate website and Facebook page so that everyone will be aware of the sinners in their neighborhoods.

“I am certain that this will promote an enjoyable, sin-free, inoffensive, safe, family friendly, non-partisan, anti-bacterial shopping experience that is sure to bring a smile to all ages.”

Francis did not take any questions from reporters.

In other news it has been announced that JC Penney will be filing for bankruptcy by early March.

JC Penney Stuns Public with Controversial Announcement
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With a varied education ranging from broadcasting to the infamous General Studies, Cliff has been in Pizza Delivery, Programming, and Preaching (as a layman). Father of two, husband of one, Cliff leads a quiet life in a small town as a contract Web Developer. Taking his office-in-a-bag; he works from home, coffee shops, book stores, libraries and occasionally even MacDonald’s (hey, they’ve got free wi-fi and free refills!). Sharing his ideas and opinions has never been a problem for Cliff. What he hopes to accomplish is a conversation where ideas are debated on their merits and measured against truth and reality. Jesus said about himself that he was born to testify to the truth and that he is the truth, therefore truth is not relative, or a concept; truth is a person, Jesus Christ, and the conversation is about him.

  • Ray Woods

    Cliff, Keep up the good work my Brother! I love this JC post! you had me going there! :P Miss you & the Fam! Lord’s blessings!

    • http://www.cliffymania.com Cliff Richardson

      Thanks for reading, Ray!

  • HomoMcNoNo

    This article is quite ridiculous. I take it you would have the same problem if a company opposed pedophilia? Some sins are more heinous than others, Christians have believed this through out history. Read the Westminister confession of faith. The problem is you don’t see homosexuality as abominable as you should, perhaps due to this wicked generation normalizing it.

    • Mommabird

      “The problem is you don’t see homosexuality as abominable as you should,” and you know this how? Have you ever met the author? Have you ever spoken with him personally? Do you even know his heart?

    • http://www.cliffymania.com Cliff Richardson

      I’m sorry you didn’t like the article, McNoNo. As it turns out I have read the Westminster confession, and even the Lutheran confessions. I enjoyed them both.

      Homosexuality is definitely a sin and it’s a sin that has been the downfall of many cultures from Sodom explicitly to Rome implicitly. Certainly in the Old Testament certain sins had greater penalties, but in the New Testament Jesus reiterated the Spirit of the Law: that we have all fallen short and we all deserve the same punishment; hell. When sins are listed in the New Testament, however, it is a reminder to all of us that none of us live up to God’s standard and we are all in need of a savior, specifically Jesus, and only Jesus.

      So, let me ask you, what would be better: Attacking JC Penny and forcing them to act Christian, or reaching out to all sinners with God’s Law and God’s Gospel so they might actually become Christians?

  • HomoMcNoNo

    “So, let me ask you, what would be better: Attacking JC Penny and forcing them to act Christian, or reaching out to all sinners with God’s Law and God’s Gospel so they might actually become Christians?”

    Both can be done, but attacking would be defined as opposing, it doesn’t necessarily have to be done, but I have no problem with those who would oppose a store because of it, the same with those who boycott those who endorse abortion, etc.

    • http://www.cliffymania.com Cliff Richardson

      So, opposing JC Penny and forcing them to act Christian is a good idea? What’s your Biblical support for that?

  • Maggie Lou

    I signed it.

    [Petition URL withheld]

    • http://www.cliffymania.com Cliff Richardson

      Thanks for reading, Maggie! I withheld the URL because I disagree with the petition. If JC Penny wants to remove a lesbian couple from their advertising they should be allowed to. As long as what they’re doing is legal they shouldn’t be forced by Christians, or non Christians, to act a certain way.

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